Chapter 4 explores the poignancy that women feel in old age as they deal with loss, realize that time passes quickly, and understand the need to appreciate life. It begins with an anecdote about Emma, who experienced these emotions while spending time with her grandchildren. The story demonstrates that women must realize that life is short to find what is important and that they should be aware that they are having some experiences for the last time, such as seeing some relatives. This creates feelings of poignancy. Pipher notes the difficulty in naming this complex experience and its related emotions.

A story about Pipher’s longtime friend Frank illustrates poignancy. Frank often visited Pipher from Scotland, but at 80, had a stroke and was visiting for the last time. During this visit, Pipher realized that “there was sadness—losing Frank would feel like losing a chunk of our being. But there was also sweetness—the sweetness of appreciating everything in the moment for just what it was” (62). Poignancy, then, stems from the combination of sadness and sweetness.

Pipher adds psychologist Laura Carstensen’s perspective:

Our perspectives and decisions change greatly depending on our perceptions of how much time we have left.